On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
Playing with names in a Ruidoso,
New Mexico, cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown,
Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A widow wrote this epitaph in a
Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
(ed: guess they did not have personal
ads then)
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
Someone determined to be anonymous in
Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for
Naco, Arizona in the
cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the
Boot Hill Cemetery in
Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"
John Penny's epitaph in the
Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
On Margaret Daniel's grave at Hollywood
Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell's grave in
Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds
like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
More fun with names with Owen Moore in
Battersea, London, England:
Gone away
Owin' more
Than he could pay.
Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood:
In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania
is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
In a cemetery in England:
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I,
As I am now, so shal you be,
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.
Beneath these stones lay Nellie Jones,
And she is dead no wonder,
For these are not the only stones
That Nellie Jones laid under.
From a gravestone in Wolverhampton, England 1690.
Here lies the bones of Joseph Jones
Who ate while he was able
But once overfed, he dropped down dead
And fell beneath the table.
Gone to see for myself!
From a gravestone in Sussex, England.
Here lies two children
By water confounded
One died of dropsy
T'other was drownded.
Here lies the body of Henry Holden.
If not, notify Fletcher & Co. undertakers at once!
Here lies poor Thomas and his wife
Who had a pretty jarring life
But all is ended - do you see?
He holds his tongue, and so does she.
From the gravestone of Margaret Robinson 1816.
This maid no elegance of form possessed
No earthly love defiled her sacred breast
Hence free she lived from the deceiver man;
Heaven meant it as a blessing;
She was plain!
Beneath this silent stone is laid
A noisy antiquated maid
Who from her cradle talked till death
And never before was out of breath.
From a gravestone in Thurmont, U.S.A.
Here lies an athiest
All dressed up and no place to go.
From a gravestone in Gerard, U.S.A.
In memory of Ellen Shannon aged 28 years who was
fatally burned March 2nd 1870 by the explosion of a
lamp filled with R.E. Dangforth's non- explosive
burning fluid.
From the gravestone of Peter Stiller, London.
And still as death poor Peter lies
And stiller when alive was he
Still not without a hope to rise
Thou stiller then he still will be.
From a gravestone in Manchester, England.
My death did come to pass
Thro' sitting on the dirty grass
Here I lie where I fell
If you seek my soul, then go to hell.
From the gravestone of John White, London.
Here lies John, a burning shining light
Whose name, life and actions were all alkike, all
white.
From a gravestone in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire.
Here lies John Adam
Who recieved a thump
Right on the forehead
From the village pump
Which gave him the quietus in the end
Though many doctors did this case attend.
From a gravestone in Rhagader, Wales.
I plant these shrubs upon your grave dear wife
That something in this spot may boast of life
Shrubs may wither and all earth rot
Shrubs may revive, but you, thank heaven - will not.
A Canadian who died in a motor bike accident.
He sped himself to an early grave
Never to enjoy the time he saved.
From a gravestone in Shrewsbury, Shropshire.
Here lies the body of Martha Dias
Always uneasy and not over pious
She lived to the age of three score and ten
And gave to the worms what she refused to the men.
From the gravestone of a dentist.
Stranger.... approach this spot with gravity
John Brown is filling his last cavity.
Life is a jest and all things show it
I thought it once, but now I know it.
From the gravestone of a country parson
The horse bit the parson
How come that to pass?
The horse heard the parson say
"All flesh is grass".
Here lie the bones of Copperstone Charlotte
Born a virgin, died no harlot
Foe 16 years she kept her virginity
A darn'd long time in this vicinity.
